Every man no matter how handsome or charming goes through a drought eventually. Now by drought I do not mean lack of precipitation. In guy language drought means no pussy around and no pussy on the horizon. After a month or so of this a man loses confidence. He may approach ladies he would bag easily and strike out. This is devastating for the psyche, thus resulting in even further loss of Confidence. Now too fully understand the slump buster you have to understand that a man’s sex life is like Major League Baseball. If a player isn’t performing in the bigs he has to go down to the minors to: 1. Work on his mechanics and 2. To play against inferior talent to get his swagger back. Such is true for a man’ s sex life. You have to go hogging sometimes. You just do. There is no way around it. You go for a girl you would not give a second glance at under normal a circumstance. A man does this to A. Work on his technique ( Perhaps even expand his arsenal of moves ) And 2. To compete against inferior talent in order to build momentum. Now to properly go hoggin I suggest a 4 or a 5. Anything below a 4 and you may not be able to maintain an erection and anything 7 or above you will most likely offend with the foul maneuvers you will most likely attempt. For instance let’ s say you are having sex with an 8 or 9. You could very well try to give her the fun thumb but is it worth the risk? You may as well try the seldom used rodeo technique as to immediately put your thumb in her ass. It’s not recommended and not worth losing such a catch. 8’s and 9's don’ t just fall out of the sky, as I’ m sure you know. Now it’ s completely different with a 4 or 5 entirely. You can always do foul things to them because they are in an eternal slump. We are talking about 4’ s and 5’ s for Christ’ s sake! It’ s like the old saying. “ Why do fat chicks give the best head?” “Because they have to.” Same can be said for the lowly 5 or below. You are the perverse artist and she is your very large canvas. Now I’m going to share a story with you some may believe to be Disgusting, embarrassing or even shameful. I however am quite proud of this story, and will try and include every sordid detail for your amusement. Out of respect and in order to protect the innocent I will not be using her real name. I will use the alias “ PIG.” Now I know what you are thinking and you’ re right. She was anything but innocent. PIG was filthy. But PIG is funnier than Natasha Lynn Foster, so let’ s go with PIG. I met this woman after I had just gotten put of a relationship. My ex had left me emotionally raped and pillaged and I found myself in a slump. The boys and I decided to go to the 4100 bar as we did in the late 90’s. We all decided it was time for we to get some strange. It was time to break the slump. I approached several very nice looking ladies and came up empty. I was all but ready to give up hope when there she was. Waiting for me. Feeding on beer and all alone. I pointed her out to my pals and we all agreed if I couldn’t fuck that I’ d never fuck anything again. I go over and one thing leads to another. Next thing I know we are back at my house with our clothes off. “ She asks me if I have a condom” ? Fuck!! I’ m so used to having a girlfriend that I don’ t even have one. She tells me not to worry because she has some in her bag. I think to myself she may be a hog but at least she’ s prepared. She reaches into what looks like a doctor’s bag and pills out a condom. I ask her what else she keeps in there? Her reply ” you’ ll find out soon enough.” Then she gets up and goes to the bathroom. I consider peeking inside her bag, but do not out of respect for Pig’ s privacy. She returns with 3 large beach towels and places them on my bed. I ask her what she’ s doing? Her response “ I get kinda wet.” I think for a second then reply “ I’ ll allow it.” Lets just get this over with. We go at it. She’ s filthy but talented. She smells faintly of kitty litter but I charge on. !5 minutes into it and I am soaking wet. What is this curious fluid? It’ s everywhere. It’ s musty and steamy and sticky. 15 more minutes pass and the secretion is becoming an issue. My room is transformed into the Dagobah system. A swamp planet, Rich in bacterial and microbial life. I watch as a pair of my shoes floats away. I get up and tell her I’ m gong to get some water. Ill be right back. I go to the kitchen and close the door behind me, trying to grasp the situation. I pour myself a shot of beam’ s 8 star and whack it back. I rub my eyes and to my amazement there before me stand’ s master Yoda. I tell him I don’ t want to go back in there. I don’ t
think I can go hogging anymore. His response. “ That is why you fail.” I hear strange sounds coming from my room. I grab the doorknob it Investigate but before I enter I ask Yoda “ what’ s in there” ? He answers, “ Only what you take with you” and vanishes. I open the door and enter. Pig has reached into her bag of tricks again and pulled out a giant vibrator. She tells me she needs my help to make it work. “ Is that a plug?” I ask. Pig: Yes, it needs to be plugged into an outlet. I’ m Disgusted, but I cooperate.
I plug it into the wall and she turns it on. It doesn’t work. She says it happens sometimes and that I need to reconnect the loose wires. Huh? You want me to do what? I’ m hesitant. But I know I have to. I can’ t let master Yoda down.
Fast forward 10 Minutes
I’ m in my knees in half an inch of pigs vaginal juice hot wiring a dildo plugged into the wall. Current is flowing through my body as I touch the exposed wires together. She screams that she’ s going to cum and not to let the wires come apart. She cranks it up to 10 and I’ m being electrocuted to death!! Like doc brown in back to the future I scream in pain as I hold on to the wires. 1.21 gigawatts of electricity surging through me. She finally reaches climax and the room is quiet again. I’ m Alive, For now. I look at her still steaming vagina. It looks like a bulldog eating a bowl of mayonnaise. Like a gremlin left out in the sun, popping and oozing with sludge. I thank her for ruining my blankets, bed, and towels and I call Pig a cab .I never see or hear from her again. Several years later I ran into her at the Glendale galleria where she was working as a security guard.
GLOSSARY
Fun Thumb: The act of licking your right thumb and sticking it into a person’ s asshole
Rodeo sex: While in the doggy style position the man grabs the woman by the hair and whispers in her ear I have AIDS. He then tries to stay inside of her for 8 seconds.
